Thursday, December 30, 2010

Sucky Days..Blah

This day has been nuts.. as well as yesterday..

I woke up and ate a little then was told the at&t guy was here. Our internet has been acting up. My mom uses the desktop up front and my sister and I use our laptops in out room. Only when my mom is online, we are able to get a connection. She says the connection drops off at 7am every morning and so we just called at& t and explained the problem to them. So the at&t guy says he was going to use the phone jack in my room to see if the connection would be stronger and that we should invest in a wireless adapter to fix the problem. after that I left and went out with my gf to try and find one. I got to the store and found one, so I called my sister and asked her if the internet was working so I could know whether to buy one or not, and she said it worked so I didn't get one. I get back home and my mom is yelling, screaming, bitching about the internet not working(but it does work on out laptops) so she asking us to use our laptops and we both say no(I have loads of thinspo,journals enteries,etc on mines and my sister was using her laptop at the moment) So I throw on some clothes and go BACK to the store. My gf drove far out and the who ride I was sooo upset. My mom is old as dirt(literally) and sits on the computer all day playing this stupid unrealistic game. She is very over weight and it drives me nuts how she can sit doing that all day. I mean, doesn't her eyes hurt from doing that? Shouldn't she be working out to help lower her health conditions. She doesn't need to be on it all day geesh! Soo when I'm upset, I'm upset and will do and try anything to feel numb. I usually take a shit load of pills since i've stop sh(although I really want to now) so I tell my gf i'm upset and that I want to do it(I NEVER told her before, so ya know, I thought I was doing a good job by telling her) and all she said was "oh"    o.O? "oh" really.... thats all I get?? So I get the crap out the store and bought pills and take them and got home, gave my mom the wireless adapter and went to sleep. She didn't even say she loved me. blah
So I wake up the next morning and my sisters cat was roaming around. My sis said she was giving him a bath and asked me to brush his fur. I grab the brush and pick him up and began brushing him but stopped because he has like a patch of hair/flesh missing on his side. I don't know if its just hair or if its a chunk because I cant bring myself to fully look because it makes me sad every time i glance at it. I don't know how he got it. We never let him out...ever so he couldn't have gotten into a fight. It breaks my heart. He threw up not to long ago. It's really starting to stress me out. I'm so attached to him and I want nothing to happen to him. I don't want him in my bed because it looks so gross but I know he feels as if I'm/we are neglecting him because of it. I just want him to be okay. I can't handle all of this. I'm going to top my pill intake from last time and see what happens to me......hopefully I don't have that option in the morning..